


Population Explosion

by redeem147



Series: Population Explosion [1]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Babyfic, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-30
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 23:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/231017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redeem147/pseuds/redeem147
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Babies.  Vampires having babies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Buffy stormed into Spike’s crypt. “You!” she pointed. “You…I’m pregnant!”

 

“What?” Spike asked, refusing to believe his ears.

 

“You heard me. I’m pregnant. With your…whatever. And stop looking all misty eyed. This is serious.” She sat down on his sarcophagus/coffee table and buried her head in her hands. “How am I supposed to be a mother and a slayer? How am I supposed to tell Dawn? How am I…” Her voice broke and she started to cry.

 

He sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulder. “I think it’s bloody amazing,” he said. “I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

 

“I think you’ve helped enough already,” she replied, but she didn’t move away. “I just wish I knew how the hell this happened.”

 

 

He walked her to her front door. “Remember, anything you want, anything you need…”

 

“Just knock on your crypt and you’ll come running.” She sighed. “I’m scared,” she said quietly.

 

He put his arms around her and kissed her on the forehead. “That makes two of us.”

 

She walked through her front door and her legs felt like lead. Where was her so called Slayer stamina? All she could think about was flopping on the couch and resting. A few seconds after doing so, she heard a knock at the door. She pulled herself up again, walked across the living room and pulled the door open. “What did you forget?” she asked, but realized that it wasn’t Spike at the door. Standing before her were Mr. and Mrs. Riley Finn, the happy couple themselves. She couldn’t help but notice the change in Harmony. She was as big as a house.

 

“Hi Buffy,” Riley said, “We have news.”

 

“I see that,” replied Buffy.

 

 

“It’s so awesomely wonderful,” gushed Harmony. “I mean, apart from the swollen feet and the sick tummy, and the waddling around, but gee, a baby…”

 

“It’s something we both wanted,” added Riley, “but we never thought it was possible. And then, with what happened to Angel…”

 

“What happened to Angel?” Buffy asked.

 

“You mean he didn’t tell you?” Riley was shocked.

 

“Tell me what? I haven’t talked to Angel in over a year,” Buffy replied.

 

Riley took his ex-girlfriend’s hand in his. “Buffy, Angel has a son. Angel and Darla’s son.”

 

“No,” she said, shaking her head, “That isn’t possible. Angel wouldn’t, not with her. And he would have told me.”

 

“He should have told you,” Harmony said. “Men are such scum.” She gazed at Riley. “Most men, anyway.” She patted Buffy on the shoulder. “He’s the cutest little boy. We went to see him in LA. Cordy treats him like he was hers. It’s so sweet.”

 

“And Darla?” Buffy asked.

 

“She’s dead,” Harmony answered. “I’m not sure how. It’s sad. The little guy will never know his mommy.”

 

“I know this is hard for you,” Riley said. “How are you doing? Any news?”

 

“Yeah,” Harmony added. “How’s Spikey?”

 

 

Buffy stood at Tara’s apartment door, as Dawn went in and sat on the loveseat. “Thanks for taking her, Tara,” Buffy said. “I’ll only be gone a few days.”

 

“It’s no problem,” the witch replied. “I love having Dawnie here. We’ll have fun.”

 

“Great. Bye Dawn,” her sister waved, then paled and ran into the apartment. “Bathroom?” she asked.

 

“Sure,” said Tara, but Buffy was already running down the little hall. They could hear the sounds of sickness coming from the direction of the toilet. “Are you okay in there?” Tara called.

 

They heard a flush and Buffy walked into the living room, wiping her mouth with a tissue. “I’m so sorry,” she said, “That was so gross. I must be getting the flu, or something.”

 

“Yeah,” said Dawn, “she’s been coming down with it for a month.”

 

Tara looked at Buffy with suspicion, and started to ask a question, but Buffy shook her head. “The flu,” she said quietly. She left the apartment with a “Bye, Dawn, see you in a few days.”

 

Dawn looked up at her friend. “Personally, I think I’m going to be an aunt. Wouldn’t it be cool if it was Spike’s?”

 

 

In the end, the two couples opted to drive to LA in Riley’s big black government issue sedan, rather than Spike’s somewhat ratty DeSoto. For the first half hour the men sat in the front with the women in the back, until the squabbling made it difficult for Riley to concentrate on the road.

 

“Well, you did try to kill me,” Buffy said. “And you chained up my sister.”

 

“You killed all my minions.”

 

“If you weren’t evil, you wouldn’t need minions.”

 

“I’m not evil now. Not since I fell in love with my Riley-pie.”

 

“Oh, please. How long will it be after you have that baby ‘til you decide to use it as a chew toy?”

 

“Riley!”

 

“Okay, girls, that’s enough.” Riley pulled over on to the highway shoulder and stopped the car, letting Spike and Harmony change places.

 

“Fine,” said Spike. “Now I don’t have to sit next to the little ol’ lady from Pasadena. If he drove any slower we’d get there yesterday.”

 

Harmony cuddled next to her husband in the front seat. “She’s mean,” she said.

 

“I know, Honey, but we’ll be there soon,” Riley sympathized. “How’s junior?”

 

“Kicking,” she answered. “He’s going to be a big strong supersoldier just like his daddy.”

 

“Oh, please,” said Buffy from the back seat. “If I have to listen to any more of this I’m going to develop diabetes.”

 

“That’s nothing to laugh about, pet,” said Spike, putting his arm around her shoulder. “I’ve been reading up on it. There’s a million things that could go wrong, and I don’t intend on letting any one of them happen.”

 

“You’re getting annoyingly paternal,” answered Buffy. “And, heck, I think I like it.”

 

 

The car pulled up in front of Angel’s hotel, and Riley looked around in surprise. “That’s funny. When we were here a few months ago, it was like an armed camp. Now there isn’t anyone around.”

 

“Why an armed camp?” asked Buffy.

 

“Everyone in town was after little Connor. Demons, vampire cult, evil lawyers....” replied Riley. “It was like running the gauntlet to get inside. Wonder where they went.”

 

 

Fred and Cordelia were playing with little Connor on a blanket in the lobby when the quartet entered. Angel jumped up from his chair in surprise. “Guys, Buffy, I didn’t know you were coming…”

 

Buffy glared at Angel, then looked down at the baby. “Cute,” she said.

 

Cordelia looked up at her friends. “Harmony,” she cried with delight, rising to hug her, “Look at you. This is wonderful.” She turned to the proud father, “Riley, congratulations. But how?”

 

“We were hoping someone here would know,” Buffy said. “This appears to be baby central.”

 

“I know why Harmony and Riley are here,” said Angel, “and I guess Buffy as the Slayer wants to know why unusual things are suddenly happening with vampires, but what are you doing here, Spike?” He suddenly noticed the way Buffy’s hand was firmly grasped in the other vampire’s.

 

“Vested interest, mate,” Spike replied. “Little tykes all around.”

 

Angel lunged at Spike, but Cordy held him back. “Things can happen in a year, Angel. You know that. Let it go.”

 

The taller vampire still glared, but he relaxed his muscles. “If you’ve hurt her,” he growled.

 

“No more than I’ve let him,” Buffy said. “None of your business. Besides, I don’t remember you asking permission before you fathered a child with a cold blooded killer.”

 

“Buffy,” said Cordelia. “Old news. Darla’s dead. Don’t start this.” Suddenly, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fainted. Angel caught her before she hit the ground.

 

“Is she having one of her visions?” Buffy asked.

 

“Not exactly,” Fred replied.

 

“Cordy, Sweetheart, are you okay?” asked Angel, stroking her temple gently. “You’ve got to get more rest. You know what the doctor said.”

 

She opened her eyes and smiled. “I’m okay, honey. Stop worrying. We’re fine.”

 

“We,” Buffy said. Realization dawned. “You,” she said, “And you,” looking at Angel. Both Angel and Cordelia concentrated at not looking at Buffy. “What the hell happened to that stupid curse?!”

 

“Willow says…” Angel started.

 

“You’ve been talking to Willow,” she exploded. “Have you been talking to everyone but me?” Spike raised his hand and shook his head in the negative. “Everyone but Spike?”

 

“I talked to Willow about the curse. She figures that when I lost my soul the requirements of the curse were met, and when it returned the gypsies were satisfied. Moments of pure happiness all around,” he said. “Which doesn’t explain the Ecstasy. Don’t do drugs, I guess.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Buffy replied, “But I do know that you left me because you couldn’t give me a normal life. So you said. Since then you’ve knocked up two women. Fine. Well guess what,” she walked over to Spike and put her hand around his waist. “I don’t want a normal life.”

 

“Thanks, I think,” said Spike.

 

 

Lorne came running breathless through the front door. “I know where all the bad guys went,” he gasped. “Oh, hi,” he said to the visitors.

 

“You’re that karaoke guy. Hi,” squealed Harmony.

 

The Host grimaced at the memory of her voice. “Little Connor isn’t so interesting anymore,” he said. “Vampires are getting fertile all over the world. It’s not just the Angel soul thing. Even some of the cult that was after Connor are pregnant.”

 

“Guess it wasn’t a celibate cult,” said Gunn, who had just entered the room. Fred looked up and smiled.

 

“Anyway,” Lorne continued, “All the attention is off Connor, because he isn’t unique. Hell, I hear even a few Wolfram and Hart lawyers are affected. Including Lila.”

 

“Hey,” said Angel, “It wasn’t me.”

 

“Can I finish?” asked Lorne. “All the babies born so far have been human. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think it might be some Powers That Be plot to tame the vampires. They can’t seem to kill their own offspring, and it’s making them soft. I’m not sure how and if it relates to the shanshu prophecy, but it sure is a weird turn of events.”

 

“Tell me about it,” said Buffy.

 

“Now,” continued Lorne, “If we can just get all the vampires to have sex, the Slayer may end up obsolete.”

 

“I like that idea,” Buffy said, shaking the Host’s hand. “Hi. I’m the Slayer.”

 

“Well, there you go,” smiled Lorne.

 

The goodwill in the room was shattered by a piercing scream. The inhabitants all looked in Harmony’s direction. The blonde vampire was doubled over in pain. “I think I’m in labor,” she groaned.

 

 

Wesley was in one of the hotel rooms studying when he heard a scream. He came racing down the stairs but the lobby was empty when he got there. He ran back up, cursing the damaged elevator, when he heard another shriek of pain coming from a room on the second floor. He saw a group of people in the hallway, including Buffy and Spike. He was surprised to see her leaning on the vampire with her head on his shoulder. Pushing his way through the crowd of his friends, he saw Harmony lying on a bed with Riley kneeling beside her, his hand on her abdomen. She appeared to be in labor. “This hurts,” she cried. “Get it out!”

 

“Something’s wrong,” said Riley, looking up at Wesley, tears in his eyes. “The baby isn’t moving. How did Darla die?”

 

“Her vampire body couldn’t sustain the life inside it,” the former watcher replied. “She staked herself to set the baby free.”

 

“No one,” said Riley, “Is staking my wife.”

 

 

Buffy held the receiver to her ear. “And the next time you have a little tidbit of information like that, I’d like you to share it. No, I didn’t tell you I was pregnant. Point taken. But Willow, do you think you can do it? She’s getting pretty weak. Riley’s falling apart. Wesley, and Spike, I guess. Maybe Fred. She used to live in that demon dimension, so she should have some sensitivity to magic. Not Cordy, not in her condition. Yeah, her too. Spike,” she gestured him to the phone, “we need you, Wesley and Fred to do the ritual. I’ll say the words Willow tells me, then you three repeat them. You have to join hands in a circle over Harmony’s body. Willow says if she’s that weak she’ll need blood. Human blood.”

 

Without a moment’s thought, Riley rolled up his sleeve and turned his wrist to his wife’s mouth. “Drink, honey,” he said. Her face changed and she plunged her fangs into his arm. “Take all you need.”

 

“She could kill you,” Buffy said.

 

“I don’t care. Save her. Save my baby.”

 

Quickly, Buffy chanted the words to the teleportation ritual as Willow recited them. The trio repeated the Latin. They chanted faster and faster as Riley grew paler and slumped onto the bed. There was a spark of electrical fire arching over the bed, and the sound of crying. A naked infant girl lay on Harmony’s stomach. She released Riley’s arm.

 

“You did it,” Buffy cried.

 

“We did it,” said Spike.

 

Wesley felt Riley’s thready pulse. “He’s very weak,” he said.

 

“I’m fine,” Riley moaned. “The baby? Harm?”

 

“We’re fine.” Harmony smiled in genuine joy. “She’s beautiful.” She shifted so her husband could join them on the bed. He pulled himself up while Wesley supported him and lay down beside his wife. He put his arm around his girls.

 

“You’re both beautiful,” he said.

 

Cordelia entered the room with a bottle of formula. “I bet the little one’s hungry. I know vampires can’t make milk.”

 

“Um, I think you’re wrong,” said Harmony, holding the baby to her breast. The infant latched on and drank.

 

“I knew she had the equipment,” Spike leered. Buffy hit him in the arm. “What?”

 

 

Buffy and Spike sat together on the back porch of her house. “It should be easier for me,” Buffy said. “I’m human. The human women who’ve had vampire’s babies had no trouble delivering. And I’m the Slayer. I’m built for endurance.”

 

“That’s not the only thing I’m worried about.” Spike took her hand in his and squeezed it. “I love you, and I love this baby. I just think it’ll be hard for it, what with you not loving me.”

 

Buffy stared at her baby’s father, long and deeply into his eyes. “I am in love with you, you idiot.”

 

He gasped, and gaped, and sat frozen beside her.

 

“Are you just going to sit there,” she asked, “or are you going to kiss me?”

 

He took the mother of his child in his arms and did just that. “I never thought I’d say this,” he sighed, “But hooray for the bleeding Powers That Be.”


	2. And Somebody Makes Three

“No. NO. Absolutely NOT, Spike!”

 

“Slayer,” he wheedled. “You’re three months pregnant. We can’t have you goin’ out into combat every night. Not only is the stress bad for you in this condition, what happens if some demon-y critter gets in a lucky shot to the midsection?”

 

“What’s this ‘we’ crap?! Listen, when YOU swell up like a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and barf ‘til you’re green every day, THEN you can make unilateral decisions for two. Or three. Or, or three-and-a-robot! I mean, c’mon! Why can’t you and the Scoobies take over patrolling for a little while?”

 

Heavy sigh, which she thought was pretty impressive for a vampire.

 

“We’ve been through this already, Buffy. We can’t let the oogly-booglies know the Slayer is vulnerable to attack. You saw what happened last time they got wind of that as well as I did, remember? Sooo...we do what we did last time. We send in the BuffyBot!”

 

“And…and…I hide out HERE?! IN A CRYPT?! Spike, for God’s sake!”

 

“Hey, we can’t have two Buffys goin’ in and out of Revello Drive, now can we? And if you stay here, I can take care of you...” He put a protective hand on her midsection. “Both of you.”

 

“And in the meantime, who takes care of Dawn, pray tell?”

 

“Willow, she’s got to do Bot maintenance. Tara, she’s agreed to move back in for the duration. Xander and Anya, they’ll keep her after school at the shop.” He braced himself. “And the Bot.”

 

“Dear God. I really *am* in Hell.” Buffy flopped down heavily in Spike’s favorite armchair. “Another six months of this. You owe me big time, Deadboy...” She looked down at her stomach. “And YOU. I am gonna have guilt material to beat you up with for YEARS because of this, you know that?!”

 

Spike smiled. She was gonna be SUCH a great mom!


	3. Houseguests

Spike lay with his body curled next to Buffy’s, watching her sleep. He wondered how she could, with so much movement shifting within her. The baby was always restless at night, and at seven months, had become even more active. It kicked at his hand, resting on her abdomen. He felt a wave of body parts rippling; arms, legs pushing as though to be freed from their prison. “Not yet,” he whispered. “Two more months.” How could it be patient? Patience was a virtue; not one of his strong suits. Like father, like baby.

 

The ringing phone jarred him from his contemplation, and he dived for the receiver, before it could waken Buffy or Dawn. “Who is this?” he whisper growled.

 

“Spike? It’s Riley.” said a quiet voice.

 

“Bloody hell, Finn, you wanker, it’s,” looking at the clock radio, “five am.”

 

“I know,” the ex-soldier replied. “I was waiting for Alice and Harmony to fall asleep. Can I speak to Buffy?”

 

“No, you can not. Buffy is asleep.” A hand snatched the receiver.

 

“No,” she sighed, “she isn’t. What do you want, Riley?”

 

“Buffy,” he said, “I hate to ask you this over the phone. I’d ask Angel and Cordy, God knows they have enough room, but she’s having a rough time. They were afraid more than once that she was losing the baby, and I just can’t impose on them.”

 

“Why don’t I like where this is going?” Buffy asked.

 

“I need you to take in Harmony and Alice for a few days.”

 

Spike ripped the phone from Buffy’s hand. “No! Absolutely not! You will not put that stress on her.”

 

“Vampires. Your ears are as good as my wife’s,” Riley said. “Listen to me Spike, it’s important. I have to go out of town for a few days. I don’t want to leave them alone. I hate to ask...”

 

Buffy nudged her lover. “What’s he saying?” Reluctantly, Spike handed her back the receiver.

 

Riley re-explained. “No way. How could you ask that? There is no way that I would have her in the house with Dawn,” Buffy exclaimed.

 

“Buffy,” Riley said slowly, “I may be dying.”

 

“No,” Buffy gasped. “Why?”

 

“There’s something wrong with my heart,” he answered. “They thought they’d fixed it, you remember, but I’m having eurythmia, and pain. The doctors here can’t say for sure what’s wrong, but they think it’s degenerative. They want to send me for tests. I can’t let her know, Buffy. I don’t know what it would do to her.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Riley.” Buffy felt the tears welling up. Darn her mood swings. She knew she would regret this. “Okay.”

 

“Thanks, Buffy.” Riley answered, relieved. “You’re a pal. I’m afraid what my co-workers would do with her if they realized what she really is. I can cover, when I’m here. They’ll both be safe with you two.”

 

“Did you just say, ‘Okay’?” asked Spike. “Give me the phone.” He swallowed his anger. “Harmony does anything, just anything, to endanger Buffy or Dawn, and I will dust her myself,” he said into the handpiece. “Clear?”

 

“She won’t,” answered Riley. “Put Buffy back on.” He waited to hear her voice. “I want to ask you something else. If anything happens to me, if I don’t come back, I want you to make sure that they’re taken care of. I want to know that my girls are safe.”

 

Buffy stroked her abdomen. “I understand.”

 

 

“There is no way!” Dawn shouted. “You are so not letting her into this house.”

 

“Calm down,” soothed Buffy, tired from her early awakening. “It’s only for two days. I’m not sending the baby to stay in the crypt, and I’m not separating them.” She stroked her sister’s hair. “I know what she did to you. I don’t really trust her either, but I saw her in LA. I saw how good she was with Alice. Maybe she’s changed.”

 

“She chained me up! I won’t forgive her. How could I forgive something like that?” Dawn walked over to a kitchen chair, sat down and folded her arms. “You’ve gone crazy. Some kind of having a baby nuttiness.”

 

“I’m doing it as a favor to Riley,” Buffy explained.

 

Dawn rolled her eyes. “But I hate Riley. He’s so lame.”

 

“Two days.” Buffy looked down at her sister. “You can stay at Tara’s, or one of your friends’. It’s only two days. What could happen?”

 

 

Buffy was changing the bedsheets in her old room when Spike walked in. “Let me do that, love,” he said. “I don’t want you wearin’ yourself out while they’re here.”

 

“I’m stupid, aren’t I?” she asked. “One sob story from Riley, and I’m letting vampire airhead of the year into my house. Next thing you know, I’ll be starting a demon daycare center.” She started to cry. “What if I can’t handle this?”

 

He dropped the pillow he was casing and put his arms around her. “He took advantage. You cared. I’ll help.”

 

“There’s something I didn’t tell you,” she sighed, burying her face in his chest. “I told Riley that if anything happened to him...”

 

“...you’d take care of them. I heard.” He stroked her hair. “Wanker better live then, right?”

 

She pulled herself together. “We’ll need extra blood. Can you go shopping?”

 

“I’ve got lots of pig blood in the freezer. It’s only two days,” he said, picking up the pillow again.

 

“She can’t drink that. It makes her sick.” She looked at him with ‘I love you I can’t handle it will you do this for me please’ eyes. “Can you pick up some cow blood?”

 

“Bloody hell,” he exclaimed, “At twice the price. Two days can’t pass soon enough.”

 

 

The big black government car stopped outside the house on Revello Drive. The driver opened the door for the young blonde woman carrying the baby, and carried her bags to the front entrance. “Will you be needing anything else, Mrs. Finn?” he asked, in his efficient military way.

 

“Not thanks, Corporal Thompson, but you’ve been such a love. I’m going to tell Rileykins what a good, helpful soldier you are.” She kissed him on the cheek.

 

“Thank you,” he blushed. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.” He rang the doorbell for her, and waited until Spike opened the door. “Excuse me, sir, but have we met?” he asked the blond vampire.

 

“Never,” said Spike, in his best American accent. He took the bags from the corporal’s hands. “Come in,” he said to Harmony, pushing her through the door.

 

“Bye,” she called to the soldier. Once the door was securely shut and they were in the living room, Harmony complained, “Spikey, you were very rude to Thompson. That wasn’t nice.”

 

“Oh, well,” Spike replied, “I suppose I should have stuck out my hand and said, ‘Yes, we’ve met. My name’s Hostile 17, what’s yours?’. Would that have suited you?”

 

“Silly,” she replied. “Where’s Buffy?”

 

“She’s up in Dawn’s room, trying to convince her sister not to kill you on sight.” He looked at the baby in her arms. “So that’s Alice then, is it? She’s grown.”

 

“Of course she’s grown.” She kissed the top of the baby’s head. “You saw her when she was born. She’s six months old now.” She handed the girl to Spike. “You can hold her. Isn’t she precious?”

 

The baby burped and threw up undigested pabulum on Spike’s shoulder. “Delightful.”

 

Dawn came cautiously down the stairs, holding something behind her back. “Harmony, I want you to know that I am not letting you drive me out of my own house. I am so not happy about this. If you cause any trouble,” she revealed the stake in her hand, “Whoosh.”

 

“Sure,” gulped Harmony, taking the baby back from Spike and holding her close, “I get ya. Whatever.”

 

“Oooh,” squealed Dawn, “Is that the baby? She’s cute.” She dropped the stake and chucked the baby under her chin. “Can I hold her?”

 

Harmony handed the baby to Dawn, who exclaimed, “She likes me. She’s smiling at me.”

 

“Probl’y gas,” interjected Spike, looking for a tissue to clean off his shoulder.

 

Buffy walked slowly down the staircase, supporting herself with the banister. Her back was killing her. Pregnancy took a very different set of muscles than slaying. “Hello, Harmony,” she said.

 

“Buffy, oh hi!” cried Harmony, running up the stairs to meet her. “Thanks so much for letting me stay with you while Riley’s away at his silly training mission. He said he was going to work in the office from now on,” she pouted, “but I guess he had no choice. We’re going to have so much fun. How are you feeling? Are your ankles swelling? Isn’t that the pits? Look at the baby. Isn’t she growing?”

 

“And I was exhausted before I came downstairs,” interrupted Buffy. “Honey,” she said to Spike, “Could you take Harmony’s bags upstairs and help her settle in?”

 

“I’ll carry the baby,” cried Dawn.

 

“Sure,” said Harmony. “Oh, and I’m a little hungry after that drive. Could you get me a mug of blood? Please?” She followed Spike up the stairs. “Watch how you carry her. Don’t drop her.”

 

“Who said only two days?” asked Buffy to herself.

 

 

“You wash your own diapers?” exclaimed Buffy. “Isn’t that what Huggies are for?” She watched Harmony clean, powder and diaper Alice’s bottom. To her amazement, the baby’s mother did not stab her with a safety pin.

 

“I don’t want icky paper on my little snookums bumbum. Can you watch her?” Buffy rested her hand on the baby’s stomach to keep her from rolling off the bed, while Harmony went down the hall to the washroom to dump the dirty diaper. She threw the cloth in the plastic bag serving as a temporary pail, washed her hands and reentered the bedroom. “Besides, disposables are very bad for the environment.”

 

“And she goes through how many of those a day?” Buffy saw a lifetime of changes lined up ahead of her.

 

“Don’t worry,” Harmony replied, “You’ll get used to it. I just wish she hadn’t done a dirty right before feeding time. I’ll have to change her again after.”

 

“So,” Buffy asked, “Do you want me to warm up a bottle for you?”

 

“No, silly,” answered Harmony, jacking up her top and popping a nipple in the baby’s mouth.

 

“Does that hurt?” Buffy asked.

 

“Actually, it feels pretty good,” the nursing mother replied, “Kind of sexy and...”

 

Spike poked his head in. “Did you want any...?” He stopped and stared.

 

“I think Harmony would like some privacy right now,” Buffy said.

 

“I don’t mind,” chirped Harmony.

 

“Well, I do.” Buffy ushered her lover out of the room.

 

“You gonna do that, pet?” he asked.

 

“I guess so.”

 

“Neat.”

 

 

Buffy lay on the couch, finally catching a well deserved nap. She had never been as worn out slaying vampires as she was catering to them and their children. She had barely lain down when she fell into a deep sleep. She heard the sound of her baby crying. “Mommy’s coming,” she called. The crying grew more insistent. She opened her eyes, and realized that her baby was in the same place it had been for the last seven months. Alice was screaming again.

 

She rolled sideways and pushed herself up, using the couch for support. Did she look like a whale? She felt like one. She pulled herself up the staircase with the handrail, crying, “Harmony, it’s the baby,” but no one answered. She peeked in at Spike, lying motionless on their bed. “Fat lot of help you are,” she said. Harmony was lying in Buffy’s old room, dead to the world, literally, while the baby cried in the crib that had been assembled two months early for her use. She leaned over to pick her up, and felt a sharp pain in her back. “What do women do with twins?” she thought.

 

Dawn rushed to the side of the crib, “Sorry, I was in the bathroom,” and picked up the crying child. “Can I take her for a walk?” she asked. “I borrowed a stroller from Jaimie’s mom, so can I?”

 

“Knock yourself out,” said Buffy. “I think Harmony expressed some milk and left it in the freezer.”

 

“Yeah,” replied Dawn, “I know. It’s next to the blood.” Happy as a clam, she changed the baby, then carried it down the stairs and out the front door.

 

“She’s going to make some woman a great babysitter,” thought Buffy. “Hopefully, me.” She went into her bedroom and curled up next to Spike. “You have so much to answer for, mister.”

 

 

Spike stood on the back porch, lighting a cigarette. Harmony came out the kitchen door and sat on the steps. “Want one?” he asked her.

 

“Not while I’m nursing,” she answered. “Though I’d kill for one.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t smoke around Buffy. She’s asleep.” He took a long, slow drag and exhaled.

 

“So’s Alice.” They sat in awkward silence. “I’m scared, Blondie Bear.”

 

“What’s wrong, luv?” He sat beside her.

 

“Riley’s sick. Really sick. He thinks I don’t know, but it’s really bad. I hear his heart, and it doesn’t go thump thump anymore. It goes thumpa thumpa thumpa, and he gets pale and starts sweating and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him and I’d turn him to keep him but what about Alice and I don’t know what to do and I love him so much and...” She burst into tears.

 

Spike put his arm around her shoulder. “There, there, pet,” he said.

 

“He didn’t go on a m...mission, he went for t...tests, I’m sure.” She threw her arms around Spike’s neck. “What if I never see him again?”

 

“Then you’ll move on. It will hurt like you thought nothing could, and then you’ll deal. I know.” He stroked her hair. “I know.”

 

“I’ll be alone.” She was sobbing now.

 

“No, pet, you won’t. You have little Alice, and you have me ‘n Buffy. Maybe you can join the Scoobie Gang. Just won’t put you in charge of the crossbow.” She laughed at that. “See. An’, I bet there’s nothing to worry about. I lost Buffy, and look at us now. Don’t borrow trouble, mom used to say.”

 

Harmony sighed, and wiped her tears. “Buffy’s lucky,” she said. “You’re a good man.”

 

Spike kissed her forehead. “Just don’t be spreadin’ that around.”

 

 

The next day passed without incident. Buffy was able to rest while Dawn watched the baby. She came in from her morning walk thrilled that two different women had offered her babysitting jobs when they saw how careful she was with Alice. “Wow, I’ll be making money,” she said to her sister, “I won’t have to...wait for things I want anymore.”

 

The doorbell rang just before sundown, and Buffy opened the door to a smiling Riley. “How were my girls?” he asked.

 

“Surprisingly okay,” she answered. “More important, how are you?”

 

“I’m okay.” He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it off his forehead. “I won’t live to be a hundred, maybe not even fifty, but I’m not going anywhere at the moment. They caught it in time.”

 

Buffy hugged him. “I’m so glad. Really, really glad.”

 

Harmony came running down the stairs, and jumped into her husband’s arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. “Rileykins!” she cried.

 

“Cuddlebug,” he answered. They kissed, oblivious to their surroundings. After Riley came up for air, he asked, “Where’s my little snookums.”

 

“If you mean Alice, she’s right here,” answered Spike, carrying the baby into the living room. He gave her to her father, who held her close.

 

“How’s daddy’s little girl?” he asked. She smiled up at him.

 

“Are you taking her now?” Dawn asked, entering the room. “I mean, she doesn’t have to go yet, does she?”

 

“I’m afraid so,” Riley answered. “I have a ton of work to do at home.”

 

“We’ll come back and see you again, when the baby’s born,” said Harmony.

 

Dawn threw her arms around the vampire and said, “It was really great having you here. You’re a good mom.”

 

“Yeah,” added Buffy. “You are. I hope I can be as good. Even with disposable diapers.”

 

“Oh,” said Harmony, “You’ll be a super mom. I can tell. And you,” she turned to Spike, “Are going to be an awesome dad.”

 

“What makes you say that?” asked Spike. “I’ve barely said two words to the little rug rat.”

 

Harmony pressed a finger to his chest. “I saw you sitting with her on your knee, telling her about Alice in Wonderland. You big faker.” She kissed him. “Bye all, thanks for a great time.”

 

Riley picked up the bags Dawn had carried downstairs. “Bye. Thank you, all of you. This was so great.”

 

“You know,” said Buffy, closing the door behind them, “It wasn’t half bad.”

 

 

Buffy and Spike lay in their bed, hands linked and resting on her belly. “It’s pretty scary,” she said, “But I think I could learn mother tips from Harmony. I have so much left to do. And way more to learn.”

 

“We’ll learn,” he said, “Together.”


End file.
